Loyalty. Now there is a subject that we could discuss for hours. It seems that in today's high tech world that the quality of loyalty has been tossed right out the window. As the world grows more transient so do relationships.
The word loyal is defined as – a: being faithful to a private person to whom fidelity is due b: faithful to a cause, ideal, custom, institution, or product.
I am of the opinion that the quality of loyalty is one of the rarest and yet most needed qualities in relationships today. I am also of the opinion that disloyalty is one of the greatest reasons why relationships fail.
In meeting women and listening to their stories over the past few years many of them tell me of unfaithful husbands who had numerous affairs. But not only is this dilemma a problem among men, I have also encountered stories of unfaithful women who had faithful husbands. It’s no surprise that disloyalty is at the root of many relational failures. Why is this?
It seems that many have sold their souls to the next emotion, the next high, to the greener grass syndrome instead of buckling down inside of the relationship they have and giving it their all. No relationship is perfect. There are no perfect people. And I am not suggesting that we should stay in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. I am saying however that maybe we need to go back in time and rediscover some of our older ethics. Maybe we should actually do what we promise. Maybe we should stay loyal in our relationships. And if we did, we wouldn’t have so many broken hearted people who have issues with trusting others.
Open Discussion:
Do you think that disloyalty is a major problem today? Why do you think so? Why not? What do you think can be done about it? How would you define loyalty? Do you think that’s it’s okay to date more than one person at a time? If you do, at what point do you stop dating around and commit to one person?
Loyalty. Now there is a subject that we could discuss for hours. It seems that in today's high tech world that the quality of loyalty has been tossed right out the window. As the world grows more transient so do relationships.
The word loyal is defined as – a: being faithful to a private person to whom fidelity is due b: faithful to a cause, ideal, custom, institution, or product.
I am of the opinion that the quality of loyalty is one of the rarest and yet most needed qualities in relationships today. I am also of the opinion that disloyalty is one of the greatest reasons why relationships fail.
In meeting women and listening to their stories over the past few years many of them tell me of unfaithful husbands who had numerous affairs. But not only is this dilemma a problem among men, I have also encountered stories of unfaithful women who had faithful husbands. It’s no surprise that disloyalty is at the root of many relational failures. Why is this?
It seems that many have sold their souls to the next emotion, the next high, to the greener grass syndrome instead of buckling down inside of the relationship they have and giving it their all. No relationship is perfect. There are no perfect people. And I am not suggesting that we should stay in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. I am saying however that maybe we need to go back in time and rediscover some of our older ethics. Maybe we should actually do what we promise. Maybe we should stay loyal in our relationships. And if we did, we wouldn’t have so many broken hearted people who have issues with trusting others.
Open Discussion:
Do you think that disloyalty is a major problem today? Why do you think so? Why not? What do you think can be done about it? How would you define loyalty? Do you think that’s it’s okay to date more than one person at a time? If you do, at what point do you stop dating around and commit to one person?
Hmm. diffacult to ponder. It is an uncomfortable thought but yet so prevalent. So prevalent that it is no surprize to hear yet another story of betrayel day after day.
Betrayel encompasses lack of empathy besides the obvious deceipt.
And loyalty,one would hope that the one we uphold above and beyond all whom we have met, we would be loyal to him. When we have finally found someone to value, someone whom we know holds life as precious and that life is fundamentally serious and short,that we would not want to hurt them in anyway even if ones love grew apart. So it comes down to honesty. I would want to watch in that persons character-their honesty in their every day dealings. How forthright are they? I believe that if a person wants to stray then they need to approach their spouse or boyfriend and tell them before they do it, and even though it will hurt them at least they have hurt them in one aspect and not in two by decieving and wanting to go out with others. Betrayers want their cake and eat it too. So it comes down to empathy and honesty. Those should be qualities one looks for in a possible partner. In my studies, empathy is supposedly a higher stage of evolution. And something to ponder is: Have we all evolved at the same pace? That takes us to another theory that would take two hours to explain. Good Luck to all.
Hmm. diffacult to ponder. It is an uncomfortable thought but yet so prevalent. So prevalent that it is no surprize to hear yet another story of betrayel day after day.
Betrayel encompasses lack of empathy besides the obvious deceipt.
And loyalty,one would hope that the one we uphold above and beyond all whom we have met, we would be loyal to him. When we have finally found someone to value, someone whom we know holds life as precious and that life is fundamentally serious and short,that we would not want to hurt them in anyway even if ones love grew apart. So it comes down to honesty. I would want to watch in that persons character-their honesty in their every day dealings. How forthright are they? I believe that if a person wants to stray then they need to approach their spouse or boyfriend and tell them before they do it, and even though it will hurt them at least they have hurt them in one aspect and not in two by decieving and wanting to go out with others. Betrayers want their cake and eat it too. So it comes down to empathy and honesty. Those should be qualities one looks for in a possible partner. In my studies, empathy is supposedly a higher stage of evolution. And something to ponder is: Have we all evolved at the same pace? That takes us to another theory that would take two hours to explain. Good Luck to all.
I agree with GW and Empress, that loyalty is a part of oneself, and much bigger than just being faithful. And being disloyal is not so much about respect for another, but about betraying or destroying yourself.
I agree with GW and Empress, that loyalty is a part of oneself, and much bigger than just being faithful. And being disloyal is not so much about respect for another, but about betraying or destroying yourself.
Because I adore the dog and child pic...here's my story of pure loyalty.6 years ago, my husband came home from the hospital for hospice care. My two Labs immediately stationed themselves on either side of his bed. Instinctively they knew they had to protect their old friend.For 3 months they spent little time outside always barking to come back in and take up their duty stations.The nurses, and nurses aids learned to work around them, not easy as Joxor is 120 lbs and Gracie was 65 lbs..When my sweet partner passed away the female dog kept a vigil in the empty room for a day. IMHO, there is no finer example of loyalty than the love of a dog for his/her human companion.
Because I adore the dog and child pic...here's my story of pure loyalty.6 years ago, my husband came home from the hospital for hospice care. My two Labs immediately stationed themselves on either side of his bed. Instinctively they knew they had to protect their old friend.For 3 months they spent little time outside always barking to come back in and take up their duty stations.The nurses, and nurses aids learned to work around them, not easy as Joxor is 120 lbs and Gracie was 65 lbs..When my sweet partner passed away the female dog kept a vigil in the empty room for a day. IMHO, there is no finer example of loyalty than the love of a dog for his/her human companion.
Empess said it too: I really think loyalty is bigger than non-cheating. Of course there are commitments in relationships that are expressed as "I will" or "I won't" that you should always hold yourself to, not matter the quality of the relationship. And if you need to break those commitments, then break them honestly.
But I also think there are bigger parts to being loyal, like protecting the feeling of devotion. Ok, for example, I may never physically cheat on my spouse, who I derogatorily refer to as "the ball and chain", running to my pub after work, pretending it's a "work thing". I think there is disloyalty in this type of relationship too - in the heart.
Empess said it too: I really think loyalty is bigger than non-cheating. Of course there are commitments in relationships that are expressed as "I will" or "I won't" that you should always hold yourself to, not matter the quality of the relationship. And if you need to break those commitments, then break them honestly.
But I also think there are bigger parts to being loyal, like protecting the feeling of devotion. Ok, for example, I may never physically cheat on my spouse, who I derogatorily refer to as "the ball and chain", running to my pub after work, pretending it's a "work thing". I think there is disloyalty in this type of relationship too - in the heart.
I think that loyalty and devotion go hand in hand. Like Ekatrina's history of the Russian women.When you feel it that deeply, you don't question you just act, like taking your next breath.
I think that loyalty and devotion go hand in hand. Like Ekatrina's history of the Russian women.When you feel it that deeply, you don't question you just act, like taking your next breath.
Loyalty in my opinion is a character issue. You either are or are not loyal. You can learn to become loyal but disloyal people rarely change.
I believe that loyalty should be given in every relationship regardless of the person receiving the benefit from it. Some people don’t deserve our loyalty but we should give it anyways. When a person abuses our loyalty eventually we may find someone else to be loyal to but we should remain loyal in that relationship up until we break ties with that person. Disloyalty to me is defined as: valuing someone or something above your relationship or cheating on an individual with another person while still in a relationship.
People who are disloyal in relationships don’t truly value others, they are generally selfish individuals that are in a relationship for only what they can get out of it rather than how they can also give to the other person.
Loyalty in my opinion is a character issue. You either are or are not loyal. You can learn to become loyal but disloyal people rarely change.
I believe that loyalty should be given in every relationship regardless of the person receiving the benefit from it. Some people don’t deserve our loyalty but we should give it anyways. When a person abuses our loyalty eventually we may find someone else to be loyal to but we should remain loyal in that relationship up until we break ties with that person. Disloyalty to me is defined as: valuing someone or something above your relationship or cheating on an individual with another person while still in a relationship.
People who are disloyal in relationships don’t truly value others, they are generally selfish individuals that are in a relationship for only what they can get out of it rather than how they can also give to the other person.
Innate trait much better but if one does not have it I think that those who do should start expecting it. Not only in relationships but in everyday life.
@ youthful2000 & Sophia2048 & Tiredofthegames
I second that.
@ intimacy
What are your answers to your questions on this debate?
@ Tinkerbell
Innate trait much better but if one does not have it I think that those who do should start expecting it. Not only in relationships but in everyday life.
@ youthful2000 & Sophia2048 & Tiredofthegames
I second that.
@ intimacy
What are your answers to your questions on this debate?
It is not what you do once in a while.
It is what you do day in and day out that makes a difference.
I have a question for you Intimacy Is loyalty an instinctive trait or does it have to be nurtured and earned like trust? Shoule we just expect it or do we have to deserve it? What say you?
I have a question for you Intimacy Is loyalty an instinctive trait or does it have to be nurtured and earned like trust? Shoule we just expect it or do we have to deserve it? What say you?
Do you think that disloyalty is a major problem today? I have no idea...... What do you think can be done about it? I don't think anything can be done about it.....you are either loyal or you're not.
How would you define loyalty? Having one's back at all times Do you think that’s it’s okay to date more than one person at a time? On a casual basis....yes.
If you do, at what point do you stop dating around and commit to one person? The minute I start feeling jealous about it.
Do you think that disloyalty is a major problem today? I have no idea...... What do you think can be done about it? I don't think anything can be done about it.....you are either loyal or you're not.
How would you define loyalty? Having one's back at all times Do you think that’s it’s okay to date more than one person at a time? On a casual basis....yes.
If you do, at what point do you stop dating around and commit to one person? The minute I start feeling jealous about it.
Disloyalty has become the #1 reason most couples split up and for most even if they try to work through it one or the other have problems trusting. With how TV displays relationships today they can make anyone think that cheating is very much part of life. You see one man sleeping with 3 or 4 women and probley only one is not married. It is up to both male and females to say the word no when the opportunity arises. You can't be loyal unless you know the meanings of faithfullness, honor, respect, and commitment, but the said part is that the most important thing to really hold a relationship together is to have God in the center of you both and remember that with him all things are possible, even mending a relationship. Defining loyalty is easy - being faithful, honest, true to your commitment, know and understand how you partner feels, thinks and reacts. Most couples today can't even remember what favorite color, size, favorite snack is or even what he really likes to watch or do as a hobby. To me that is even as important as knowing how to communicate with your partner. It is the little things that keep a relationship hot and going. It all begins at home with our children, teaching them manners, discipline not by putting them in time out-but teach them to appreciate what they have and work to be allowed to have such privileges. Because the more they are taught responsiblity, values (true values), respect of people, and know that they how more than some people have even if they are the poorest people in town. God Bless's us all with life so we should learn to respect, honor, have loyality, commitments to ourselves then we can have it for others. If you are just friends hanging out with each other and know that there is no commitment to each other then I think it is okay but as soon as you and the other person start having feelings towards each other then it needs to be discussed about how to handle your relationship. One may only still want a friendship and not want to mess up what you already have but then the other may have stronger feelings - that is when you should decide if dating others is something you want to do. I guess the fact of the mater is if you feel in your heart and soul that you are doing something wrong then you probably are.
Disloyalty has become the #1 reason most couples split up and for most even if they try to work through it one or the other have problems trusting. With how TV displays relationships today they can make anyone think that cheating is very much part of life. You see one man sleeping with 3 or 4 women and probley only one is not married. It is up to both male and females to say the word no when the opportunity arises. You can't be loyal unless you know the meanings of faithfullness, honor, respect, and commitment, but the said part is that the most important thing to really hold a relationship together is to have God in the center of you both and remember that with him all things are possible, even mending a relationship. Defining loyalty is easy - being faithful, honest, true to your commitment, know and understand how you partner feels, thinks and reacts. Most couples today can't even remember what favorite color, size, favorite snack is or even what he really likes to watch or do as a hobby. To me that is even as important as knowing how to communicate with your partner. It is the little things that keep a relationship hot and going. It all begins at home with our children, teaching them manners, discipline not by putting them in time out-but teach them to appreciate what they have and work to be allowed to have such privileges. Because the more they are taught responsiblity, values (true values), respect of people, and know that they how more than some people have even if they are the poorest people in town. God Bless's us all with life so we should learn to respect, honor, have loyality, commitments to ourselves then we can have it for others. If you are just friends hanging out with each other and know that there is no commitment to each other then I think it is okay but as soon as you and the other person start having feelings towards each other then it needs to be discussed about how to handle your relationship. One may only still want a friendship and not want to mess up what you already have but then the other may have stronger feelings - that is when you should decide if dating others is something you want to do. I guess the fact of the mater is if you feel in your heart and soul that you are doing something wrong then you probably are.
Oh, God, Rose, NO.... Another creature loyal to a fault. You have my deepest sympathies........ LMAO!!!!!!!!! WITH TEARS!!!!!!! I'm sure you know what I mean..... An affliction we're nonetheless heartily proud of.... Pat
Quoting The_Rose
I will weigh in later, but I am behind on my comments:-)yes pat lol. I will say now I don't think the internet has helped in the loyality and commitment area.And I am loyal to a fault
Quoting The_Rose
I will weigh in later, but I am behind on my comments:-)yes pat lol. I will say now I don't think the internet has helped in the loyality and commitment area.And I am loyal to a fault
Oh, God, Rose, NO.... Another creature loyal to a fault. You have my deepest sympathies........ LMAO!!!!!!!!! WITH TEARS!!!!!!! I'm sure you know what I mean..... An affliction we're nonetheless heartily proud of.... Pat
I will weigh in later, but I am behind on my comments:-)yes pat lol. I will say now I don't think the internet has helped in the loyality and commitment area.And I am loyal to a fault
I will weigh in later, but I am behind on my comments:-)yes pat lol. I will say now I don't think the internet has helped in the loyality and commitment area.And I am loyal to a fault
Loalty , most ptople dont know how to be loal. They think what you dont know will not hurt anyone. But it does and it will. You can forgive, although you never forget. If you date more than one at a time , how can you be honest with either ,or your self. Life can be so easy if you have that one who stands by your side,in your marrage vales you be come one a family unit.My parants were as one,as well as my grandparents.I was not so lucky.But I will find that speical some one.Never give up on your values or dreams. If you find some one you want to be with ,dont let them get away( and younger is not always better).
Loalty , most ptople dont know how to be loal. They think what you dont know will not hurt anyone. But it does and it will. You can forgive, although you never forget. If you date more than one at a time , how can you be honest with either ,or your self. Life can be so easy if you have that one who stands by your side,in your marrage vales you be come one a family unit.My parants were as one,as well as my grandparents.I was not so lucky.But I will find that speical some one.Never give up on your values or dreams. If you find some one you want to be with ,dont let them get away( and younger is not always better).
@ Ekaterina35 - interesting post indeed and my compliment to you for being one of the real ones. Maybe in a bit of defense of some, I often get messages on skype for Russian ladies instead of American ladies. I have courteously replied that I am nor American neither interested in other ladies. Blocked them and the next day I received the same message and yet again blocked and reported them. Needless to say this did not work either. The ladies in Russia that do not still carry that gene are the ones who places confusion out into the world. And sadly it all has to do with supply and demand as in any other business.
@ Ekaterina35 - interesting post indeed and my compliment to you for being one of the real ones. Maybe in a bit of defense of some, I often get messages on skype for Russian ladies instead of American ladies. I have courteously replied that I am nor American neither interested in other ladies. Blocked them and the next day I received the same message and yet again blocked and reported them. Needless to say this did not work either. The ladies in Russia that do not still carry that gene are the ones who places confusion out into the world. And sadly it all has to do with supply and demand as in any other business.
It is not what you do once in a while.
It is what you do day in and day out that makes a difference.
On December 26, 1825 in Saint Petersburg Russian army officers led about 3,000 soldiers in a protest against Nicolas I's assumption of the throne after his elder brother Constantine removed himself from the line of succession, and to introduce an idea of a constitution.They were arrested, tried and convicted to exile. Since the events took place in December, the rebels became known as "Decembrists". Among them were few prominent members of the aristocracy, who were exiled to Siberia.
Although the Church and State passed a law whereby the Decembrist's wives were considered widows and were allowed to remarry within their husbands' lifetime without an official divorce, most of the wives rejected the offer, and voluntarily followed their husbands. Once they made that decision, they were forced to renounce all their possessions and titles, they were reduced to the status of exiled prisoners' wives with restricted rights of travel, correspondence and property ownership. They were not allowed to take their children with them, and were not always allowed to return to the European part of Russia even after their husbands' death. The most famous of these women were Maria Volkonskaya and Ekaterina Trubetskaya . The expression "Decembrist wife " is a Russian symbol of the devotion of a wife to her husband. With time, it has been transformed into "Decembrist woman", symbolising loyalty and devotion in general. Many of us - Russian women - still carry this gene. Regretfully, it is hardly being mentioned in the US when a Russian woman is being depicted.
On December 26, 1825 in Saint Petersburg Russian army officers led about 3,000 soldiers in a protest against Nicolas I's assumption of the throne after his elder brother Constantine removed himself from the line of succession, and to introduce an idea of a constitution.They were arrested, tried and convicted to exile. Since the events took place in December, the rebels became known as "Decembrists". Among them were few prominent members of the aristocracy, who were exiled to Siberia.
Although the Church and State passed a law whereby the Decembrist's wives were considered widows and were allowed to remarry within their husbands' lifetime without an official divorce, most of the wives rejected the offer, and voluntarily followed their husbands. Once they made that decision, they were forced to renounce all their possessions and titles, they were reduced to the status of exiled prisoners' wives with restricted rights of travel, correspondence and property ownership. They were not allowed to take their children with them, and were not always allowed to return to the European part of Russia even after their husbands' death. The most famous of these women were Maria Volkonskaya and Ekaterina Trubetskaya . The expression "Decembrist wife " is a Russian symbol of the devotion of a wife to her husband. With time, it has been transformed into "Decembrist woman", symbolising loyalty and devotion in general. Many of us - Russian women - still carry this gene. Regretfully, it is hardly being mentioned in the US when a Russian woman is being depicted.
Loyalty....A subject I have a great deal of "intimacy" with. When I was a child, and a teenager, my mother used to tell me, often, with much exasperation: "You're just too damn loyal for your own good."
It took me quite a few years to understand that what she meant was that when I was in relationships [friends, boyfriends, whatever....] with people who turned out to be Users, I remained loyal far too long, allowing myself to be used because I thought I could change these people....shove some serious ethics into their heads. Of course, I could not.
For many years now I've been smart enough to avoid getting involved with Users & Losers. But I still have this loyalty streak running down my back [what color would THAT be, do you think???] that keeps me connected to people whose problems do indeed impede my own forward momentum a bit from time to time.
Frankly, I'm rather proud---quietly proud---of my loyalty streak. And I'm pretty sure the folks I'm loyal to right now appreciate that and won't ever "rip me off" one way or another because of it. As for your specific questions:
Do you think that disloyalty is a major problem today? Why do you think so? Why not? What do you think can be done about it? How would you define loyalty? Do you think that’s it’s okay to date more than one person at a time? If you do, at what point do you stop dating around and commit to one person?
Yes, I think disloyalty is a major problem today. Why? I wish I could answer that in 20 words or less. I think we could debate the issue from now until Michelmas. And no, I don't know what can be done about it. How would I define loyalty? Fairly simply. Through thick and thin....through good times and bad times....[out and out abuse not withstanding]. Do I think it's okay to date more than one person at a time? I can only judge for myself. [Don't have the time or energy to devote to what other's can or will do.] I couldn't possibly date 2 men at the same time. I find dating one man stressful enough!!!! All those wonderings in the beginning....does he really like me, do I really like him....did he like that outfit I wore or was he just being nice....etc., etc., etc. Nope. One at a time for me. As a practical matter, that's all I can handle. One more note: Loyalty in a romantic relationship: If I can't get that from a partner, he won't continue to be my partner, period. I've been cheated on in 2 different relationships. Nothing is more devasting than that. If you've made a commitment you can't live up to---take a walk.....a long walk off a short pier. I've lived too long, been through too much grief to put up with any more disloyalty ever. If that leaves me alone with my dog for the rest of my life [and she could very well outlive me!!!!!], then so be it. I'll be happy with my totally loyal friends...and my loyal mutt....far happier than I'd ever be with a disloyal lover. Pat
Hello, Intimacy.....
Loyalty....A subject I have a great deal of "intimacy" with. When I was a child, and a teenager, my mother used to tell me, often, with much exasperation: "You're just too damn loyal for your own good."
It took me quite a few years to understand that what she meant was that when I was in relationships [friends, boyfriends, whatever....] with people who turned out to be Users, I remained loyal far too long, allowing myself to be used because I thought I could change these people....shove some serious ethics into their heads. Of course, I could not.
For many years now I've been smart enough to avoid getting involved with Users & Losers. But I still have this loyalty streak running down my back [what color would THAT be, do you think???] that keeps me connected to people whose problems do indeed impede my own forward momentum a bit from time to time.
Frankly, I'm rather proud---quietly proud---of my loyalty streak. And I'm pretty sure the folks I'm loyal to right now appreciate that and won't ever "rip me off" one way or another because of it. As for your specific questions:
Do you think that disloyalty is a major problem today? Why do you think so? Why not? What do you think can be done about it? How would you define loyalty? Do you think that’s it’s okay to date more than one person at a time? If you do, at what point do you stop dating around and commit to one person?
Yes, I think disloyalty is a major problem today. Why? I wish I could answer that in 20 words or less. I think we could debate the issue from now until Michelmas. And no, I don't know what can be done about it. How would I define loyalty? Fairly simply. Through thick and thin....through good times and bad times....[out and out abuse not withstanding]. Do I think it's okay to date more than one person at a time? I can only judge for myself. [Don't have the time or energy to devote to what other's can or will do.] I couldn't possibly date 2 men at the same time. I find dating one man stressful enough!!!! All those wonderings in the beginning....does he really like me, do I really like him....did he like that outfit I wore or was he just being nice....etc., etc., etc. Nope. One at a time for me. As a practical matter, that's all I can handle. One more note: Loyalty in a romantic relationship: If I can't get that from a partner, he won't continue to be my partner, period. I've been cheated on in 2 different relationships. Nothing is more devasting than that. If you've made a commitment you can't live up to---take a walk.....a long walk off a short pier. I've lived too long, been through too much grief to put up with any more disloyalty ever. If that leaves me alone with my dog for the rest of my life [and she could very well outlive me!!!!!], then so be it. I'll be happy with my totally loyal friends...and my loyal mutt....far happier than I'd ever be with a disloyal lover. Pat
